Dara's Blog

I have needed to paint a bathroom in my home for the past six month. The actual task will probably in total take three hours. It’s easy to say I’m too busy to do it but that’s really not true, I have the time, I’m avoiding it. If I really think about it, I think it’s a task that is a bit out of my comfort zone so I keep putting it off. This is a small example of the many ways we avoid, sometimes it’s the smaller things with small impact but sometimes the scope is much larger and the impact could be holding us back in living our fullest life. Why do we do avoid?

Avoidance is rooted in survival. Our brains are wired to protect us from pain. If your mind equates emotional or physical discomfort with danger, it will try to shut it down fast. Avoidance operates as coping mechanism and works in the short term. Although in the long run, tends to hold us back. Avoidance can keep our worlds small and make us feel like we cannot handle challenges. Avoidance lets us get comfortable with second guessing ourselves vs believing we can accomplish anything.

In therapy we work on exploring where avoidance comes from and slowly work on challenging our own avoidances.  We work on building emotional resilience to face the discomfort in our worlds.  Courage is not the absence of fear—it’s the willingness to feel fear and keep going anyway.

For now, I’m going to put on an old shirt, get uncomfortable, and paint that room.

Know what’s weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon…everything’s different.

— Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes

At some point with many clients I have worked with, we reach a point where people know exactly where they want to land but the journey to get there seems so challenging and so far away, almost impossible at times.  This leads to the question, why is change so hard?  In graduate school, I cannot stress the number of times professors told us, if we had magic wands, we would use it and make everything easier for all our clients.  Unfortunately, mental health professionals don’t come with magic wands even if I often wish we did. 

Change is hard because our brains crave comfort. Often when change is occurring, it can feel somewhere from a little discomfort to absolutely terrible.  We are wired to lean into what we know even if it is not best for us.  I often use our scrolling on our phones as an example.  Cognitively, we know spending too much time on our phones is not great and often doesn’t feel great.  Yet, three is predictability and comfort in the scroll.

Often with change, comes fear.  We do not know what the consequences are if we do something different.  We can try and predict it, but ultimately, we don’t have control of the future.  With any change does come risk.  Hopefully the risk pays off, but we often must be really brave and often vulnerable to get there.

Change does not happen overnight, it takes practice.  If we set an intention to be more social.  We cannot just see a friend once and expect our world to be different.  We have to put in the work.  Sometimes we have to unlearn old habits to create new ones.  We deserve to continue to show up for ourselves and others, make plans an execute them.  Change is not an easy task.  It takes maintenance and energy.

But here’s the thing—change is also where growth happens.  The hard feelings means we are challenging ourselves, and trying to find a path that feels better.  It's rarely easy, but it's often worth it.  Don’t give up, I promise, you don’t need a magic wand.

Managing Burnout: How to Recognize, Address, and Prevent It

Burnout is REAL! It is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress, often stemming from work, caregiving, or daily life demands.  In our current world with a lot of unpredictability and lack of security in what may come next, it is more common than ever.  The good news is that burnout can be manageable with the right supports.  We all deserve to commit to help ourselves and take care of ourselves.

Recognizing the Signs of Burnout

Before you can manage burnout, you first need to recognize its signs. The symptoms often develop slowly, but they can quickly become overwhelming. Here are some common signs to look out for:

• Chronic Fatigue: Feeling tired all the time, even after a full night’s rest, is one of the most common signs of burnout.
• Emotional Drainage: You may feel disconnected, detached, or emotionally numb. Simple tasks or interactions might feel emotionally overwhelming.
• Increased Cynicism: A sense of negativity or hopelessness about your job, relationships, or life in general can take hold.
• Decreased Productivity: Tasks that once felt manageable now feel insurmountable. Procrastination can set in, and work performance can start to slip.
• Physical Symptoms: Headaches, muscle tension, gastrointestinal problems, and even sleep disturbances may be linked to burnout.

What to do next

Managing burnout takes patience, self-compassion, and commitment. Here are key strategies to help you get back on track:

1. Acknowledge the Burnout

The first step in managing burnout is recognizing and acknowledging that you’re feeling burned out. Denying it or pushing through might only worsen the situation. Accepting that you need to take a step back is an important part of healing.

2. Take a Break

You may need time off to reset both mentally and physically. If possible, take a few days off work, or at least a few hours to engage in self-care activities. Disconnect from technology and social media to give your mind a chance to breathe.  A good challenge is to put your phone and access to social media away for a few hours a day.  Often what we are looking at is reinforcing the stress we are already experiencing. 

3. Establish Boundaries

Set clear boundaries to protect your mental and emotional energy. Learning to say "no" is one of the most powerful ways to manage stress and protect your well-being.  When the work day is over, try to set a ritual or identify a physical landmark that separates work life from home life.  You are allowed to not work 24/7.  Protect your time.

4. Practice Self-Care

Self-care is essential for recharging your energy and emotions. Activities like meditation, exercise, spending time with friends, petting you pet, or even going for a walk can help you reconnect with yourself. Prioritize activities that help you feel grounded in the present.

5. Seek Support

Talk to someone you trust about what you’re going through, whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist. Sometimes, simply expressing your feelings can help you gain perspective. We often feel less alone when we share what we are going through.

Preventing Burnout: Proactive Strategies

Life can be really challenging and stress will happen.  Building in and practicing daily habits can help us recognize when we may be heading towards burnout. Here are some proactive steps you can take:

1. Maintain Work-Life Balance

Ensure that you're creating enough space for both professional and personal activities. Setting boundaries between work and personal time is essential for maintaining mental and physical well-being. Make sure to schedule regular breaks, vacations, and personal downtime.

2. Cultivate Healthy Habits

Exercise regularly, eat a balanced diet, and get enough sleep. Healthy physical habits can significantly impact your mental state, boosting your mood and resilience against stress.

3. Prioritize What Matters

Focus on activities and commitments that align with your values and goals. Avoid unnecessary stress by learning to let go of things that no longer serve you. Often, less is more. Try and live in the now.  Take things one day at a time.  The future will happen, try and find one moment a day where you enjoy the present.

4. Practice Gratitude

A regular gratitude practice can help shift your mindset from negativity to positivity. It can be as simple as writing down three things you're grateful for each day. Over time, this habit can help reframe your perspective on life’s challenges.

Burnout doesn’t have to be a permanent state of existence. By recognizing the signs early, taking intentional breaks, and implementing self-care practices, you can manage and recover from burnout. Moreover, by proactively preventing burnout through healthy habits, clear boundaries, and maintaining a balanced lifestyle, you can protect your well-being in the long term. Remember, taking care of yourself is not only essential for your mental and physical health but also enables you to show up as your best self in all areas of life.

In the state of Maryland early voting has begun and people are heading to the polls to cast their votes.  Every time there is a significant election, especially a presidential one, it can bring up a lot of anxiety about the state of our country and even our world.  This anxiety is often just an added layer to the day-to-day things we are already managing and experiencing.  My experience has shown that most people are struggling with a sense of helplessness during this time.  There feels like there is so much out of our control when it comes to elections.  Yes, we can vote but that often feels like a small impact when the stakes can be so high.  Some helpful tips to try and lean into are:

-        Take breaks from media.  Do your research and stay informed but reading the same news from multiple media sources is just reinforcing the anxiety.  Also, be aware of what you are looking at, make sure it is reputable news sources and not just TikTok videos making predictions.

-        Take care of yourself.  Get outside, take a walk, exercise, bake, read, or whatever helps you feel more regulated.  This is a time to lean into self-care and self-compassion.

-        Connect with others.  We always feel less alone and less lost and uncertain when we are touching base with others. It often normalizes our feelings which can lead to a decrease of anxiety.  Talking with others gives us a chance to share our thoughts, feelings, and worries.

-        Get involved in your community.  The best way to decrease anxiety is to do something.  Find an issue you feel passionate about and research it.  Find ways big or small to get involved and support this issue.  Doing something on any level gives us a sense of power.  Yes, the actions of one individual can make a difference and often we are not even aware of how significant that difference can be to someone else.

Give yourself permission to recognize this can be stressful and difficult time.  There are moments in life that just feel hard and we are all doing the best we can.  For the next few weeks, let that be enough.

The longer I practice social work and maybe just the longer I am on this planet, I have appreciated more and more leaning in the simpler acts that provide the most benefit.  While it seems so obvious and basic, I notice having more and more conversations with clients about the benefits of getting outside.   The structure of our world keeps us inside too much through work, school, and being tired at the end of the day.  We take for granted the benefits of being in nature.  An article by WebMD (https://www.webmd.com/balance/ss/slideshow-health-benefits-nature) stresses some of the benefits such as vitamin D, which is good for your immune system and sunlight keep serotonin levels up.  Being outside is a natural anxiety reducer.  According to this article being outside improves self-esteem, and creativity.  

Being outside can be a very grounding experience, it connects our bodies, minds and five senses.  We get to smell the grass and flowers, we get to touch the tree, we feel the sunlight, we hear the birds and bugs, we feel our lungs expand as we breath fresh air.  Being in nature for at least a few minutes a day is often a pretty simple way to help quiet our brains, check in with our bodies, and give a moment to appreciate all the beauty around us.  As I continue to say to more clients these days, lets go outside and sit in the grass.