Why is change so hard?

Know what’s weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon…everything’s different.

— Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes

At some point with many clients I have worked with, we reach a point where people know exactly where they want to land but the journey to get there seems so challenging and so far away, almost impossible at times.  This leads to the question, why is change so hard?  In graduate school, I cannot stress the number of times professors told us, if we had magic wands, we would use it and make everything easier for all our clients.  Unfortunately, mental health professionals don’t come with magic wands even if I often wish we did. 

Change is hard because our brains crave comfort. Often when change is occurring, it can feel somewhere from a little discomfort to absolutely terrible.  We are wired to lean into what we know even if it is not best for us.  I often use our scrolling on our phones as an example.  Cognitively, we know spending too much time on our phones is not great and often doesn’t feel great.  Yet, three is predictability and comfort in the scroll.

Often with change, comes fear.  We do not know what the consequences are if we do something different.  We can try and predict it, but ultimately, we don’t have control of the future.  With any change does come risk.  Hopefully the risk pays off, but we often must be really brave and often vulnerable to get there.

Change does not happen overnight, it takes practice.  If we set an intention to be more social.  We cannot just see a friend once and expect our world to be different.  We have to put in the work.  Sometimes we have to unlearn old habits to create new ones.  We deserve to continue to show up for ourselves and others, make plans an execute them.  Change is not an easy task.  It takes maintenance and energy.

But here’s the thing—change is also where growth happens.  The hard feelings means we are challenging ourselves, and trying to find a path that feels better.  It's rarely easy, but it's often worth it.  Don’t give up, I promise, you don’t need a magic wand.